I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course I have a pirate flag
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
