How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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