I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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