i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
