so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
