he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just invented taco cereal.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
