i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
