It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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