I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize