1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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