yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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