Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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