my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
