Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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