I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize