Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
