everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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