put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
