Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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