im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
