So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
