you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
