Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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