This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize