I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
