She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm like, not good at living.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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