matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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