shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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