Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize