Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize