i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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