oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
