she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
