respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize