just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
