david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
