BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
