we have officially lost it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
