Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
