I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize