So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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