News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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