woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
