You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
