JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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