So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
