Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
