dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
