my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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