I love black thongs
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
