Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
