I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
