My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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