She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
