I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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