she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize