Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
