yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I currently don't understand fingers.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
