Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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