Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
