I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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