Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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