On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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