k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
