I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She said her name was "party"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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