: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
