just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
