I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
