Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
