Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
40s are totally the cure
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude. I can hear the air.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
