Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
