I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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