if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
