just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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