You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
