My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
