He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
