Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The air was thick with penises
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
