mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
