i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
