Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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