Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
