I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
