I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
