my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize