so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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