I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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