Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
