I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
