How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
