swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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