Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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