I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
