long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
COCAINE IS GR8
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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