you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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