I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
