I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
