you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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