I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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