that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize