People in love make me want to vomit
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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