i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
