If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
