my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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