and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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