i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
