You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
