YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
