chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
