In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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