One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
